I know I am never online anymore. Theres been so much going on in my life lately that it has been hard for even me to keep up with myself.
I start Vet Tech school this morning. Lets hope I can keep up with the huge coarse load. I had to cut back hours at work in order to participate in the program, thats scary to me. I took student loans to cover the rest of my expenses. If I make it through I will graduate in May of 2010. I am excited but nervous to go.
My baby sister (reffered to as Munchkin) got married two Saturdays ago. Im so happy for her. She made a beautiful bride. She has a great husband.
Adam and I went through some troubled times, but I brought them all on us. We are getting back on track and i am doing my best to be more worthy. Trust me I wasnt.
Im learning now that its hard to let go of people who were your friends. When they change and become a friend in a different compacity, thats very hard. Ive learned a lot of tough lessons lately. I hope to overcome all of those lessons and take from them the appropriae information.
I feel like God forgot about me some days, but I am working on that too. So keep me in your prayers. Right now I need them. Desperately.

dealing with death

So its been a long while since I last sat down and wrote to anyone. Theres been so much going on lately that I have felt all turned around. Im feeling the stress of school really badly right now. I never realized all those years in high school how easy it all came to me. Now I feel like the dumb kid in class, but really thats only when he hands us a test and my brain goes completely blank.
I finally got to go home. However it wasnt under the most favored circumstances. My wonderful Uncle David died. He was a great inspiration and a very dear loved one in my life. He showed me one of the few stable men that I have ever really known. He stepped in when ever I needed some one far more than even I realized. He was always there when I needed some one to talk to and some how had this knack for just showing up at my home when I needed some one the most. I never knew how he did that but he always did. I think in my four years in high school that he may have gone to more of my school functions than my own dad did. Sad, right. Well thats just how he was. He always knew just how to make you laugh or how to make you feel better when you felt like total crap.
I remember this one time right before I moved away from Houston, I was at home alone for the weekend. He called to check on me and mom during the day one day. I talked to him for a bit then he said he would see me later. Well about two hours or so later he showed up. I think he knew I was getting a little depressed with my mom getting married and pending move. He sat with me for a few hours while we talked and he prayed with me. When Uncle David left I felt a sense of relief where I had felt a bit of emptiness. Not that it cured it, but he made sure that I knew that I was not alone. I really needed it.
Its memories like that, that make me wish that I had been closer the last few years. He was always stressing to me that family was so important. He always told me not to give up on my dad. I never have. I just reserve the right to be pissed. He would tell me that he wished there was more he could do. What I wish I could say to him now is that he couldnt have done more to make a lost girl feel more loved in a world where she was confused and lonely. There were so many other things that he and my Aunt Ramona did for us. They will never know how much I love them. Even if I call every day and tell her what he meant to me, what he still means to me.
No, I didnt call often. Hell almost never. But thats how I deal with the crap. When Im hurt, I ball up and do it else where. I have a very hard time grieving. Yep we put him to rest over a week ago and Im still having problems crying or putting those feelings in motion. I cant bring myself to cry. The most Ive done is a little bit of tear shed during a few songs. I feel like I cant do it. Like crying over him would be like the loss I felt with my Nana.
Over my Nana, I cried day and night. I would wake up in cold sweats then call my mom and cry for a few more hours. I was pathetic. I just dont know if I can go through that again. I had so much guilt over not being there or not calling that I just broke down. I still miss her so much that I dream about her. I dream that shes calling me to come to her, when I get there shes gone. Ive never been more torn over anything. Thats how death makes me feel. Torn. Now if only I could deal a little better, I would be able to move on.

ah me!

I know its been a while since I really posted regularly. I get on my kicks where I have no time for anything but school and work. Ok who am I trying to lie to? I am still on one. This quarter at school is already proving to be harder than I thought it would be. Its more Chemistry involved than I was expecting. If anyone remembers back that far, Chemistry sucked. I had alot of trouble in that class, though I passed.

Skip to now. I am only awake at this ungodly hour because I was supposed to have a class this morning. Well it snowed like 4 inches last night, and is still snowing. So I have decided it not a good idea to try to get out of the house.

My baby sister, Hope is now in Korea. I have to say its weird to know she is half way around the world. Not that she hasnt been gone before. Just this time will be a long stay. Not real sure how long, but it could be up to 18 months if I understood it correctly. Thats ok though, her fiance will be there in February so I wont worry as much then.

Life here has changed very little since my last real post. Well other than the one about Omaha. Things are pretty much the same. Every one is driving me nuts with "why arent you guys married?" questions. I hate that question.

Christmas is almost here and Im so not done shopping. Though I only have a few to buy for now! I love this season. Even though it makes me broke every year! I cant help it, I love the decorations and every thing else! For the first year I feel like I have out done myself. I have gotten a few little gifts that will be so much better than anything anyone can give adam. Last year I felt like I may have been the one he didnt get the cool stuff from. This year I know they cant beat me! Hah! I know that sounds stupid but it is soo true!

I hope every ones holidays are good! I promise to post more in the future! I will try this time not to be a stranger for so dang long!

Omaha

On Wednesay, December 5, 2007 at approximately 1:42 pm (CST), Robert Hawkins walked int the Von Maur store, in the Westroads Mall in Omaha, Nebraska. With him was an assault riffle and he used that to kill 8 people, and himself. These men and women all started their day thinking that it would be a normal, run of the mill day. But it wasnt. This deeply disturbed boy hurt so many more people than just the 8 that were killed that day.

I want to thank all of you who have called, texted, or emailed in the last week to check on my family and me. It is of great comfort to know that you all care. My family and I were luckily all at home, work or school at the time when the mall shootings here in Omaha occurred on Wednesday. My brother, Matthew, and I work less than a mile from the mall that this transpired in.

I just want to tell you all that I love you and thank you for being a friend to me. I have learned that every person who is in your life is there for a reason. Even if you rarely talk to them. Events like this let me know what a large support group I have. Though I was not personally affected by this in any way other than shock, disbelief and grief for these people I did not know.

You never think that a tragedy such as this one will ever happen so close to your home. Yet I live 10 minutes from the Westroads Mall. Matthew lives less than a 5 minute drive from it. It really gives you a wake up call to tell every one you love just how much you do love them.

I drive past the Westroads every day. This afternoon on the way to work, I could not help but cry. You see, people are leaving memorials infront of the Von Maur store, and it is visible from the road. Omaha has become my home, and I love this city. I have several friends who were in the store that day, who fortunately left the store before the shootings occurred. One of which walked out only 10 minutes before hand. Call it luck, fate or what ever you will. I will count my blessings that these friends are still here with us.

Its so easy to disconnect from the world when you see some random act of violence happen. We sit glued to our televisions and scour the internet for information about them. This boy, Robert Hawkins, said he was going to be famous. Unfortunately he is now, and he is famous for all the wrong reasons. Yet I feel nothing but pity on him. If some one had just taken the time to actually show him love and support, maybe this could have been stopped before he thought of it. It has really made me think about how I treat people. I sincerely hope it will do the same for every one who reads this.

I ask for the prayers of all of you, no matter what faith you chose to practice, for the families of the victims. They have a long road ahead of them to recovery. In particular I ask you for the prayers for the family of one of my co-workers. Her mom was an employee at Von Maur and was one of the victims, Beverly Flynn. Though I do not know her, nor do I know that I have met the daughter, she is a part of my Marriott family.

With each breath you take, remember that you are not ensured another. Live with out regrets and remember to let those you love know it. You never know when you will or if you will see them again. I for one will hold on a little tighter to my loved ones from now on. Thank you.

Please Vote for Me!

http://www.picture.com/voteforme/photovote1.asp?PID=2359519

I entered one of my tiger pictures in a photo contest!!! I would appreciate if anyone would go in and rate my photo!!! Thanks.

More Omaha Zoo

Oh so sleepy... I think they were fed sleeping pills!

I love the White Tigers, ok who am I kidding I love the big cats!

This tiger is pregnant and has three legs!

Oh yeah its nap time in Omaha

Sleepy Momma

Im a playful gal.

Nap time!

Play time with the baby gorillas
Kitty Feet

Big kitty feet

Smile..

Nap time at the big cat house

Sleepy Kitty

I want your food!!!

These two were just too pretty not to capture.

Zoo Pics

So i dont know if you all noticed it or not, but I love the big cats. I seriously think that they fed them sleeping pills that morning. There just werent many that were awake. I really hope that you guys are enjoying them! I have lots more but well they are on Adam's computer and I had these in an email at work. Let me know what you think!

Omaha Zoo

Im gonna get you!!!

Im so pretty!

I loved this guy!


You look pretty yummy...

RAWRRRR!!!!

Gorillas!

Absolute Power!

I mock you!

Believe it or not these guys were fighting...

The eye of the Tiger...

Take my picture lady!

Cat nap?

Baby Deer!

Look at my pretty crown...

Im ready for my close up!

Can you tell i love the sleepy ones?

Caged Beauty

Pretty Bird

Sleepy Bear!

He reminds me of my lazy doggie!

This here Polar Bear was the Bombdiggity!

The new baby seal!!!! Isn't he cute! I sure thought so.

im sure ive done this before

1. What is your middle name? Michelle

2. What is your nick name? Mandie, Turtle(adam), Shortcake(Hope), Amanda Lou(Anastasia), Dr. Moore (Silile), Deeze(Kevin)

3. What color are your bed sheets? Blue

4. How many cell phones have you owned over the years? Four

5. What is your title at work? Lead Agent

6. Where is your computer located? In the Computer Room

7. How many credit cards do you have? One

8. What kind of car do you drive? 1990 Ford Ranger

9. What color is it? Gold

10. If you could spend 1 day doing ANYTHING you want what would you do and where would you go? With my family, all of them, hanging out! At home in Texas of coarse! Who cares what we would do as long as we were all there!!

11. What is your favorite cologne/perfume? Gossip

12. Hot dogs or hamburgers? I love them both!

13. Fave type of music? Anything by Elvis

14. Do you have any pets? Yes Two beautiful doggies! Patton and Ginger

15. Do you floss? Most of the time!

16. Favorite breakfast food? Oh my goodness i love breakfast!! I dont have a favorite!

17. Yankee Candle or Party-lite? Any thing that smells wonderful!

18. Fave fast food restaurant? Jack In The Box!!!!

19. Fave "mall" store? Pac Sun or Wet Seal

20. Sunrise or Sunset? I like them both. but I see sunset more often because I am actually up!

21. Best childhood memory? Any and all the include my best friend Kristy Sue

22. What is your sweethearts "love" nickname? Turkey

23. Favorite pie? Pumpkin

24. Favorite salad dressing? Ranch. It goes good on everything!

25. Movie that best describes your life? I have not one clue!!!

26. Do you have business cards with your name on them? Nope

27. How many siblings do you have? I have 2 sisters and 5 brothers.

28. Fave snack foods? Rye chips from Gardettos, Chewy Chips Ahoy, Fig Newtons.... I could go on and on....

29. Have you ever met anyone in "real life" that you first knew from online? My Daddy Bill and my Adam, ok my friend James too

30. Fave chat program? Im not a chatter.

31. What time is it right now? 0413 am

32. What is the last thing you ate & drank? Tuna salad and cherry coke with fiery Habanero Doritos...

33. Did you make someone smile today? I sure Hope so

34. Did you tell someone you loved them today? Yes I have

35. Do you ever wish upon a star? Nope not anymore

36. If you could meet two people that you've never met before who would they be? Jesus and Princess Diana

37. How many pieces of clothing are you wearing right now & what are they? Two, My t-shirt and undies...

38. Do you recycle? Yes. I give a hoot about all that fun stuff!

39. Favorite fruit? Strawberries

AND last but not least.. this one will take some thought!!!! (Be honest but not TOO honest if you know what i mean LMAO)

40. From the time you first awake in the morning till you're completely showered, dressed & ready to leave for work or play - how many different "products" do you use & what are they? Dood, Soap, moisturizer, makeup, shampoo, toothpaste mouthwash deodorant and i know i missed alot!!!